


following the map that leads to you

by Megakatze (LaufeiaEvans)



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Dalton Big Bang 2020, Idiots in Love, M/M, My God They're So Fucking Stupid, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24639037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaufeiaEvans/pseuds/Megakatze
Summary: Dalton Big Bang Day 9: Soulmate AUYou might think having your soulmate's initials on your skin would make it easier to recognize them when they came along. But you haven't met Logan and Julian.
Relationships: Julian Larson-Armstrong/John Logan Wright III
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	following the map that leads to you

Of course Logan’s relationship with Blaine didn’t last.

They were fighting against fate from the very beginning, from the moment Logan asked for his name and his eyes flicked sadly to the tiny initials on Logan’s wrist. They didn’t match. Of _course_ they didn’t match. But they’d tried anyway, like so many young, stupid couples before them, thinking they could beat the odds. Julian had been as supportive as he could manage, helping Logan plan dates to catch Blaine’s attention and convince him to give it a try. But as he’d been anticipating all along, eventually Logan came bursting into his room in a heartbroken fury, fists clenched and eyes rimmed red.

“It’s bullshit,” he’d said through gritted teeth, screwing his eyes shut. “What’s the fucking point in dating if it’s just going to end? What’s the point in having my soulmate’s initials on my goddamn _wrist_ if it hasn’t gotten me any closer to finding him?”

“You’re only sixteen,” Derek had pointed out carefully, keeping a safe distance at the foot of the empty bed in Julian’s room. “There’s still time. My parents didn’t meet until after college.”

Derek had never particularly cared for finding his soulmate. He’d briefly dated a girl whose initials matched the ones on his shoulder blade, but it hadn’t lasted. Julian figured he didn’t want to waste his teen years settling down when he could be filling them with a series of meaningless flings instead. Honestly, he kind of understood.

Unfortunately, he could also understand Logan’s side.

“I want a _boyfriend_ ,” Logan had whined, flopping over dramatically on Julian’s bed. Julian looked up from the book he was reading, blinking unamused at his friend, who was now sprawled across his legs. “I’m sick of waiting around. I just wish he’d show up already.”

Julian liked to pretend he didn’t care. He dated girls, ran around with a few boys, often not even checking to see if their names matched his mark. When asked what letters were hidden under his clothes, he’d laugh coyly, crack a joke or try to change the subject. If he was truly pressed, he might say he didn’t really believe in all that anyway. It wasn’t much of a lie.

Because why else would his mark not reflect the name of the one person he wanted most?

“Don’t worry,” he said casually, marking his place with the book jacket and setting the book down. “There will be other pretty transfer students next year, I’m sure. Maybe they’ll even have the right initials.”

Logan turned to face him, his cheek still pressed into Julian’s comforter. “Are you sure it isn’t you?”

From the corner of his eye, Julian caught Derek raising his eyebrows at the mention of the elephant in the room. Julian’s smile tightened, his gaze firmly fixed on the wall beyond Logan, ignoring Derek entirely. He clenched and unclenched his fists, almost imperceptibly, willing his heart to stop pounding.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know the initials on Logan’s wrist were his own. He saw that tiny, loopy _J.L._ nearly every day, his eyes drawn to it every time Logan reached for something or waved his hands while talking. He’d wondered more than once if it really _was_ referring to him, if maybe something had gotten mixed up and he was somehow Logan’s soulmate even if Logan wasn’t his.

But he couldn’t possibly be that lucky.

“You wish that could happen,” he said finally, hiding behind a smirk as his eyes flicked down to Logan’s. Logan groaned, burying his face in Julian’s lap, and Julian’s hand twitched with the urge to run his fingers through his hair. He settled for nudging Logan’s face with his knee instead.

“It’d be my luck,” Logan muttered. “My soulmate’s a straight guy, and a bitchy one at that.”

Julian snorted, his smile faltering only slightly when he caught sight of the look on Derek’s face.

Logan stayed for a while longer, complaining intermittently while Derek offered half-assed advice and Julian snarked. But he did eventually decide he needed to sleep, and no sooner had he closed the door behind him than Derek rose, coming to stand over Julian’s bed with his arms crossed.

“You should probably get to bed too, you know,” Julian said, picking up his book and flipping to where he left off. “Practice in the morning and all that.”

Derek didn’t answer. When Julian finally looked up, the other boy was gazing down at him severely.

“What do you want?” he sighed, setting the book in his lap.

“How come you’ve never let us see your mark?”

Julian’s face paled.

“It’s not important,” he said flippantly. “It’s not like you care about yours.”

“You’ve seen mine,” Derek argued. “I don’t try to hide it.”

Julian narrowed his eyes. “Maybe mine isn’t anywhere I want you two seeing.”

“What does it say, Julian?”

They stared each other down for a moment, and Julian could feel his resolve cracking. Could Derek really have figured him out? Why else would he care?

“It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled, eyes flicking down to the sheets folded over his lap. “Whatever you’re thinking, whatever it is you think is happening…it’s not.”

“Prove it.”

Julian shot him an exasperated glance, but Derek didn’t let up. He realized there was no way he was getting out of this one. He sighed, once again tossing aside his book and resting his weight on his elbow. He kicked off the sheets and slid the hem of his underwear up over his thigh to reveal the tiny letters inscribed on the back of his leg.

And Derek _laughed._

Julian whirled around, brow furrowed in confusion and anger as Derek brought one hand up to cover his mouth. His expression was incredulous, staring at Julian’s mark as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Wow, okay. So are you lying, or are you just an idiot?”

“Excuse me?”

Derek smiled gently, _piteously_ , as if Julian was a small child crying over a simple misunderstanding.

“Julian. You know Logan isn’t his first name, right?”

Julian blinked.

“Oh my god.” Derek buried his face in his hand, breathing a heavy sigh. “Tell me—Julian. Tell me you didn’t _forget_ that Logan’s legal name is John Wright III.”

No.

It couldn’t be.

“That doesn’t—“ he stammered, eyes scanning over Derek’s exasperated look. It didn’t make sense. He’d never even considered it, hadn’t actually seen Logan’s full name written down until long after he’d accepted that the boy he was crushing on was not his true soulmate. At any rate, he wasn’t sure he believed it even now. No one knew exactly how soulmarks came about, after all. Would it really be based on your soulmate’s _legal_ name, even if it wasn’t the one they chose for themselves?

“Okay,” Derek said, pulling himself together. “It looks like you need a minute to process this, so…I’ll be heading out.” He started to turn away, but stopped himself, shooting Julian one last sympathetic look. “Just so you know…you aren’t as subtle as you think you are. You kinda suck at pretending like you hate him.”

The fact that Derek _knew_ didn’t come as much of a surprise, after all that. But it still caught him off guard, and he looked up with wide eyes, unsure how exactly to respond.

“For what it’s worth, so does he,” Derek added with a shrug. “He cares about you, too. So it’s not a total surprise.”

Julian knew that Logan cared about him. But he also knew for a fact that whatever he felt for Julian was a far cry from how Julian felt about him.

“It wouldn’t be the end of the world if you told him, is all I’m saying.” At that, Derek turned to stroll out of the room. “Goodnight, Julian.”

Julian stared after him as the door closed, his mind a million miles away.

—

Time passed. Logan tried to move on. He had a brief fling with Joshua, though he was careful this time, knowing as he did that it wasn't meant to last. He should have known from the start, really. Non-soulmate couples rarely worked out. His parents were a prime example.

His friends were supportive, even if he could tell they didn't exactly approve. Derek kept giving him these looks, not quite readable but with something resembling pity. Logan ignored them. Derek built his whole love life on pretending his soulmate didn't exist - why was it so wrong for Logan to do the same?

It became hard to ignore, though, after Logan ended things with Joshua, and he found he could hardly mention his soulmate in front of Derek without being met by a sad look and some vague platitudes about finding him someday. When Derek shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about not looking in the right places, Logan finally snapped.

"Do you know something I don't?" he demanded, grabbing Derek's arm to stop him walking away. Derek closed his eyes, heaving a heavy sigh before turning back to Logan.

"You should talk to Julian," he said finally, and Logan's eyes widened.

"Is _that_ what this is about?"

Derek shrugged Logan's hand away, looking like he'd rather be doing anything else. Logan couldn't blame him, if he was being honest. He'd no doubt been pretty annoying as of late, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

"Have you seen his mark?" Logan asked incredulously. "Is...is he--"

"Ask him yourself," Derek grumbled. He fixed Logan with a final, pointed look. "It's on his ass, by the way. That's why you haven't seen it."

Derek turned on his heel and strode off in the opposite direction. Logan stared after him, mouth hanging open in shock. It couldn’t be. Derek had to be messing with him.

Right?

As soon as Warblers practice ended that day, Logan strode purposefully back to Stuart. Julian would be there already, he was sure. He stormed into the building, taking the stairs two at a time up to Julian's floor and throwing the door open carelessly.

"Take off your pants."

Julian looked up from where he sat on the bed, his brow furrowed. "Excuse me?"

"Your soulmark," Logan clarified, swinging Julian's door shut behind him. He crossed his arms over his chest and fixed Julian with an intense stare. “Show me.”

Julian sighed, swinging his legs off the side of the bed and facing Logan head-on. Logan didn't waver. "Why?" Julian said flatly, raising his hands in front of him. "What does it matter to you?"

Logan ignored him. "Show me, Julian," he said firmly, frustration rising in his chest. He couldn't understand why Julian was being so difficult. If he really was Logan's soulmate, why wouldn't he want him to know?

Julian closed his eyes, a pained expression briefly crossing his face. With a single, hasty movement, he got to his feet, hooking his thumbs in his waistband and shimmying his pants down on his hips.

"It's actually on your ass?" Logan thought aloud, and Julian scoffed.

"It's on my thigh," he corrected. That didn't change the fact that he had to drop his pants to his ankles and hike up the hem of his boxer briefs before Logan finally saw it.

There, right at the back of his thigh, were the letters _J.W._ , tucked away like a dark secret.

"You—“ Logan breathed, and Julian avoided his eyes. He tugged his pants back up, facing away from Logan. The taller boy just stared. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"What'd be the point?" Julian mumbled, still not looking at him.

Logan groaned in frustration, stomping across the room opposite Julian. "You've heard me talk constantly about wanting to find my soulmate!" he shouted, whirling around to face the boy who still refused to look at him. "I've _asked_ if it was you, and you—you knew it was, but you _lied_ —“

"I didn't know," Julian said quietly. When Logan stopped short, his mouth hanging open slightly, he finally turned. He took a deep breath, raising his eyes to Logan's with a weary expression. “Not until Derek pointed it out. I thought—you've always been Logan to me. Not John."

Logan studied him for a moment, his anger slowly dissipating.

"You didn't know?"

In that brief moment of quiet, a thought occurred to Logan. While Julian hadn't exactly gone out of his way to look for his soulmate, he had dated a few girls, some pretty seriously. He wasn't like Derek, jumping from hookup to hookup like he didn't care at all. He quite possibly wanted to have an actual soulmate one day, a girl he would fall in love with just the way Logan hoped he would with a boy. But Julian had ended up with Logan instead.

Of course he was in denial, Logan thought. He'd been the same way himself from the moment he met Julian.

"Oh," he said absently. He reached for Julian's desk chair, cautiously taking a seat. Julian stared down at his lap, wringing his hands together.

"I didn't want to be the one to break it to you," Julian mumbled. He looked uncharacteristically vulnerable, and Logan felt a pang of guilt. "I know how important it is to you. To...to fall in love with someone."

Julian's eyes met his, and Logan's heart sank.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out. He didn't know what else to do, what comfort he could offer. "I know it...this can't be easy for you."

Julian screwed his eyes shut. He took a deep breath. “Yeah,” he said in a shaky voice.

Logan tapped his fingers nervously on his thigh. “It’s happened before,” he tries, as much to convince himself as Julian. “Some soulmates are platonic. People can be happy together just as friends. I met this one couple—“

“Don’t.”

Julian’s voice caught him off guard, breaking even on that one syllable. His eyes were still closed, and he looked to be on the verge of tears. Logan knew Julian wasn’t the type to let anyone see him cry.

But if they really were soulmates, even platonic ones, didn’t that change things?

“Hey,” Logan said gently, getting to his feet. He took a few tentative steps toward Julian. “I get it, okay? I don’t like this either. But maybe we’re supposed to get through it together?”

Finally, Julian opened his eyes, his face set in a steely gaze that betrayed no emotion.

“Get out,” he said in a low voice. Logan blinked in surprise.

“What?”

“Get out,” he repeated, raising his head to look Logan in the eyes. “Now.”

Logan’s shock was quickly pushed aside by a burst of anger. “I’m just trying to—“

“Well you’re not. So go.”

Logan huffed. He should have expected Julian would be difficult about this.

“I’m your _soulmate_ ,” he retorted, perhaps a little too harshly. “Apparently. So I’m trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help.” Julian swung his legs back up on the bed, turning fully away from Logan. “I never asked for you as a soulmate anyway.”

Too taken aback to come up with an argument, Logan set his jaw, crossing his arms over his chest. “Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “Keep shutting me out. Deal with your own shit, god knows you’ve made it clear you don’t need anyone else.”

Julian didn’t answer. Logan didn’t really expect him to, but he still groaned in frustration as he turned on his heel and left the room, the door slamming unsatisfyingly behind him.

—

Logan tried to help.

God, did he try.

Julian avoided him for quite a while after that. He wasn't particularly subtle about it, either. To his credit, Logan did keep his distance, but that didn't stop him from blowing up Julian's phone with links to articles about platonic soulmates, about people growing up to be content with casual dating and never finding a true life partner.

He seemed to mean well, but it still felt like salt in the wound every time.

It wasn't like Julian was surprised. He always knew it was hopeless, that Logan was never going to love him the way he wanted. Even if they were soulmates, even if God or whatever higher power had marked them at birth as meant for each other somehow thought they belonged together, nothing could make Logan feel a love that just wasn't there.

But having it confirmed, having Logan _apologize_ for being his soulmate and still not loving him?

That was just twisting the knife.

He knew he couldn't avoid Logan forever. They were still friends, would apparently always be friends, in spite of Julian's feelings. Maybe it was a small comfort that at least he wouldn't have to see Logan pining after other boys. After Joshua, he didn't seem inclined to pursue anything serious, not now that he knew it was doomed to fail.

Julian joined Logan and Derek for dinner one night, and afterwards, the three of them ended up in Logan's room. Julian stretched out across the couch, tapping absentmindedly at his phone, while Logan plucked out a melody on the piano. They chatted, they laughed, and for a moment it almost felt normal again.

But then Derek announced he was heading to bed, and a pointed look at Julian told him it wasn't because he was tired.

Logan didn't speak for a while, but Julian tucked his phone away, folding his hands in his lap and staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't avoid it forever. If Logan wanted to talk, he had to listen eventually.

They were soulmates, after all.

"So," Logan said finally, and Julian held his breath. "This is weird."

In spite of himself, he actually laughed.

"It...yeah," Julian breathed, and when Logan swung his legs over the piano bench to face him, he was smiling.

"I don't want it to be weird," he continued. "You're my best friend. If anything, this confirms that."

Julian nodded, chewing slightly on his lower lip.

"And it's...hard, too, for me." Logan took a deep breath. "Like you said. It's important to me, and the idea that my soulmate isn't someone who could love me romantically is...well."

Julian's face folded in confusion.

"But I've been reading a lot about it, and this does happen sometimes. Some people never even want a romantic partner. Their soulmate is like...a really good friend, or roommate. Some have had kids together...although I don't really like kids, so, I don't know about that." He laughed nervously. "I'm just saying, it-it's not the end of the world. Some people with platonic soulmates have other partners too. So if you still wanted to date a girl, or get married, or...well, you could."

Julian blinked.

"I know it's not an ideal situation," Logan continued, his words running together nervously. "I don't like it either. I always wanted...someone to love me. I—“ His voice broke, and he paused, pressing his lips together and looking down at his lap. "I know I act like I can't stand you, sometimes. But you've been there through everything. All that shit with Blaine, and Josh, and my dad...you and Derek were the ones who stuck by me. And, I mean, Derek's cool, but..." He looked up, soft gaze meeting Julian's, and Julian's breath caught in his throat. “I could see myself spending my life with you."

Julian wasn't sure what to think. He didn't even know what to focus on, let alone how to interpret the mixed signals Logan was giving him right now. He'd been adamant that they were platonic soulmates at most, had never seemed to even consider the possibility of anything else. But it felt like something was missing.

"What do you mean," Julian said finally, steeling himself for a conversation he'd never felt ready to have, "that your soulmate couldn't love you romantically?"

Logan frowned. “Well, you’re straight,” he said, like it was obvious.

And suddenly, it all clicked into place.

“Oh my god,” Julian whispered, still not sure if he was understanding this properly. “Hold on. Are you telling me…" He stared at Logan incredulously. "You’ve been apologizing all this time because you didn’t think _I_ could ever fall in love with _you_?”

Logan’s brow furrowed. “Well, yes,” he said slowly. “Because…your soulmate is a guy, and you…you don’t…”

He trailed off. Julian’s face cracked into a smile, and he laughed nervously.

“Logan,” he said carefully. “I’ve been in love with you since we were freshmen.”

His mouth fell open.

“I thought—“ Julian continued, because he hadn’t expected to say it out loud, ever, and his heart was racing. “I thought you knew, and that’s why…I thought you were apologizing because you knew you didn’t feel the same way. That you couldn’t ever…”

Logan just stared, his face blank. Julian swallowed hard. Then, slowly, Logan shook his head.

“No,” he whispered. “No, I—that’s not what I meant.”

Julian nodded slightly. “Okay,” he said, wringing his hands in his lap and willing himself to stay quiet. He could tell Logan needed time to process this.

“You—” Logan started, then cut himself off, staring at the floor incredulously. “ _Really?_ ”

“It’s not like I advertised it,” Julian said darkly.

“But I would’ve—I mean, I would _know_ , right? I would at least—“

“You didn’t,” Julian said with a wry smile. “You were always too focused on Blaine to look at me much.”

Logan’s eyes met his, and he looked absolutely heartbroken. “I’m so sorry.”

Julian almost felt _guilty_ , for keeping this secret for so long. Maybe if he’d just gone for it during their freshman year, before Blaine, they could have worked it out all on their own. But he’d been so convinced that Logan would never look at him that way that he hadn’t even bothered to _try_.

“Me too,” he said quietly.

Logan got to his feet, taking a deep breath. He crossed the room in a few long strides, taking a seat next to Julian on the bed.

“I meant it, you know,” he said softly. “I really could spend my life with you.” Their arms brushed together, and Julian’s breath hitched. “I never considered anything romantic with you because I always assumed you were straight. And you were so sure my mark wasn’t referring to you…” He looked off, deep in thought. “But when I think about what I’d like to see in my soulmate, about the kind of person who can put up with me and stick by me and actually love me even when shit hits the fan, well.” He turned back to Julian, eyes shining. “That’s you, Jules.”

Julian didn’t know how to respond. He wasn’t sure he _could_ respond, for that matter. He wasn’t sure he even remembered how to breathe.

“I—“ he stammered, feeling himself shrinking under Logan’s intense gaze. He took a deep breath. “You— _want_ this to be romantic?”

Logan’s gaze dropped briefly from Julian’s eyes to his lips, and Julian’s heart skipped a beat. “I think it could be,” he said quietly.

Logan leaned in first, but Julian met him in the middle, swearing to himself there and then that if Logan was willing to give this a try, he wouldn’t let his own insecurities get in the way. Their lips met, and Julian knew instantly that he never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again. Their mouths slid together like they’d done this a million times already, as in sync as two people could possibly be, and they both leaned into it with a desperate longing the moment they’d gotten their first taste. Logan gasped a little in surprise, and Julian chased the sound, his tongue teasing at Logan’s bottom lip. Their fingers laced together where their hands rested on the sheets, and it felt like coming home.

They both parted at the same time, drawing back to catch their breath and take stock of what had just happened. Julian’s eyes flicked up to Logan’s, and he couldn’t help but smile. Logan returned it, and suddenly they were both laughing, looking happier than either of them had felt in months.

“Is that what it’s supposed to feel like?” Logan asked breathlessly, and Julian giggled.

“I guess so.” His gaze flicked downward, to their linked hands, and he stroked Logan’s thumb with his own. “I’ve wanted to do that for years,” he admitted, his voice low. “But I never thought it would feel like this.”

Logan reached out with his free hand to cup Julian’s chin, bringing his face level with his own.

“I’m an idiot,” he stated plainly, and Julian laughed.

“So am I,” he said, eyes sparkling. He squeezed Logan’s hand gently. “I guess that’s why we’re soulmates.”

—

Julian's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he frowned, casting a quick glance around the classroom to make sure no one was paying attention. He slid the screen out just far enough to see the preview of a text from Logan, with a winky face and a link to a Buzzfeed article.

When class ended, he dug out his phone and opened the link. His face split into a grin when he caught sight of the headline.

MEET THE SOULMATES WHO THOUGHT THEIR BOND WAS PLATONIC - UNTIL THEY FELL IN LOVE

He skimmed over the text as he passed through the halls. The article followed three separate couples: a pair of college roommates who thought they were straight until they developed feelings for each other, childhood best friends whose relationship was fully platonic until their thirties, and a pair of work colleagues who kept their soulmate bond a secret for years due to company policies. It discussed some emerging research on soulmate relationships that showed platonic soulmates were incredibly rare, if they existed at all. Julian thought back to the articles Logan had sent him back when they’d first realized they were soulmates, wondering how many of those couples later went on to fall in love as well.

He glanced up and caught sight of Logan, grinning brightly as he cut through the crowd across the hall. He reached Julian, turning to walk with him in the opposite direction. Their fingers laced together at their sides, hands slotting perfectly against each other, and Julian's heart leapt.

"So I think I was wrong," Logan said, flashing Julian a warm smile. "Looks like that whole platonic soulmates thing isn't as common as we thought."

Julian laughed. "Guess not," he said with a grin. "Good thing, too, because I really wasn't looking forward to a life of celibacy."

Logan snickered. "Yeah, it would really suck to have a soulmate who looked like you and not even be able to touch him.”

His shoulder bumped Julian's, and although he kept his expression carefully controlled, Julian could feel a blush creeping up his cheeks. Even after several months of dating, Logan still managed to catch him off guard.

“Guess you’re lucky I’m not straight, then,” he mumbled, leaning against Logan’s shoulder. He snuck a glance up at his boyfriend, catching a glimpse of Logan’s fond smile.

“I sure am,” he murmured, leaning over to kiss the top of Julian’s head.


End file.
